This week was really hard. I wanted to do so many things, but work, family and my thoughts got in the way.
As I said in my past post, many projects are in progress, but I am also feeling the pressure from my past. I am fearful that my past will hold me, not let me get where I want to go.
I've been reliving my pain, many years of being told that I could not do things without an unmerciful and manipulative person by my side. Each time I get excited I can hear his voice, crushing each and every dream.
I know he can't hurt me any more, at least if I don't allow it( and I won't), but the memories are so real at moments.
I have to stop feeling the pain of that first relationship, and facing my fears is one of my ways of healing.
Sat at my desk and drew a face, not any face... but a hurt one.
This is what I feared for so long, this is how I saw myself: bruised and scared... so scared.
I don't need to cover my marks with makeup. My face has healed. My arms have healed. My back, my legs, my body has healed.
My heart and soul are healing, the process has been slow, painful and so exhausting; but it is happening. Each day I am better.
I need to believe in myself; not let that little voice hurt me; not allow the past to become my present.
I am still learning to be Me.
I want to be Me.
I need to be Me.
Big hug and lots of positive energy!